In Reverie

Today was a gloomy day in Orange County. In the morning, I drove down and spent a quiet moment alone watching the ocean breathe waves as they crashed into the shore and collided with the sand of the beach. The Pacific is beautiful as she transforms from the darkest most unforgiving black to brilliant sapphire-and, without missing even a moment, creates a frothy white wash that gently rumbles and slowly dies out as it approaches the beach.

My parents, and older people in general, always told me that life seems to pass you by quicker than you could hope. I'd never really appreciated that advice until today. As I sat there, alone on the gloomy, windy beach, I realized that this was my last true summer, and that it was already ending moment after moment, quicker than I'd ever like, and yet so harmoniously that I couldn't help but wonder if there was maybe some master plan, some great gig in the sky.

Everyone deals with loss in their life, and everyone has some sort of struggle at some point or another. Everyone (I hope) also feels love in their life, and has great feelings of accomplishment. Maybe it's all for nothing. Maybe it's for everything, to the extent of which we can never truly comprehend. Either way, I'm doing my best to find the beauty in everything life has to offer, which is a hell of a lot in case you haven't noticed.

Sometimes I find the best thing for me to do is just sit back and watch the world as she revolves and rotates. She has been pretty fucked up lately, and it's all our fault and none hers. Radical terrorism is still a global threat. An enormous oil spill is poisoning much of the Gulf region in the states. People remain jobless and helpless to change this by themselves. The global food crisis endures. The European Union is on the verge of economic ruin, which will likely overlap into global economic instability. Today's university students are learning concepts and skill sets for jobs that don't even exist yet-but soon will.

I'm trying to make sense of this as best I can, if there is any sense to make of these vast complexities and problems. It's been exhausting, and I think that sometimes the only thing you can do is embrace the chaos. You'll never be the smartest, best looking, wealthiest, perfect being. You've got to let the veil of darkness engulf you, conquer it, and emerge victorious, in whatever small way you can. You'll find help along the way. There's magic everywhere if you only take the chance to find it.

Maybe I should take my own advice. I'm far from perfect, and I've been trying, and most of it has been me clumsily stumbling through motions as I make mistake after mistake. I also feel that I should confide the fact that this year I failed immensely. I had some of the best opportunities I've had to make that one beautiful girl I've been entranced by since my first year in college mine. I still remember the first time I noticed her on Stewie Beach my Freshmen year. She was beautiful then and I was too afraid to introduce myself, and she's beautiful now and I'm too afraid to put myself out there and let her know how I really feel. Chances are I'll get shot down anyway, but fuck I have to try someday, because otherwise I'll always wonder, and I can't live with that anymore. Three years has already been too long, and I don't think I can take it much longer... I've got one more year, which is a pitiful excuse, but maybe I'll man up between now and the end of it. Keep the music playing, girl, and this boy will stay even after you're gone...


Thanks to all my friends and my family. I love you all and you're what makes this blog worth writing and these thoughts worth sharing. You give me my motivation and my love for adventure, and without you my life would surely lose what little meaning it has.

Sic transit gloria mundi-so passes the glory of the world.